Disillusion Marriage
by AyuTsukasa
Summary: Cam and Lily finally get married, but love may not be the solid foundation they always believed it was.
1. Cam's Apathy

There I was walking down the aisle towards the woman of my dreams. It's always a rare sight to see Lily in a dress but she'd probably look even more out of place if she weren't.

"Do you, Cam, take her to be your lawful wedded wife?" I gave a small smile, looked her straight in the eyes and said I do. I see the tears well up as she agrees to the same question I was just asked.

"You may now kiss the bride." Nathan closes his book and smiles at us. We kissed, it felt just like every other time I wondered if it was different for Lily.

Back then I just thought maybe all the fairy tales embellished a little too much.

* * *

Married life didn't feel much different from when we were dating, sure we lived together and had sex but it's not some amazing satisfaction I thought it would be. Maybe this is why the stories always end after the wedding because there's nothing to tell after the fact.

On the first of the month Lily is always unbelievably busy, I never understood where she got all that energy. Anyway, I was closing up shop when Ash stopped by leaning on my stand and toying with a pack of flower seeds.

"Hey buddy it's been awhile since we hung out y'know wanna go by the river?" He handed me the seed packet and waited for my reply.

"I don't see why not" Since Lily wouldn't be waiting for me today I nothing better to do.

We walked and Ash asked all kinds of questions about marriage.

"What's it like? Is Lily different at home? Is it weird sharing a bed?"

I answered generically "Like a whole new life, a little bit and yeah" I stared out into the lake watching the lucky fish that lived on instinct and didn't search for deeper meaning in life.

Suddenly Ash jumped into the river pulling me in with him "You just got _married_ be happy" he took my hat and tried to run through the water while wildly waving my hat in the air. I ran after him as best I could until we made it to dry land. We used to race when we were kids Kana was always first and Hiro was always last, but Ash and I were interchangeable for second and third place. I easily caught up to him, unfortunately I caught up too fast and sent us both face first into the grass. We straightened ourselves out and laughed as I snatched my hat back and brushed off the dirt.

"See that's the Cam I know!" Ash smacked by back a few times. I chuckled a bit and thanked him for bringing me back to earth. "No problem man that's what friends are for."

* * *

I went home feeling glad Ash decided to drag me in the river however inconvenient it was. I watched Lily make dinner and found myself wondering if friends are for fun then what are lovers for. She turned informing me dinner was ready and flashed her signature smile. I love her I don't doubt that but was it supposed to feel this _plain_. We ate, talked about our day, washed the dishes together then got into bed. I laid there trying to fall asleep when she turned to me and began toying with my hair. "Hey Cam?"

"Yeah?"

"How come you never come on to me?"

I paused before answering looking for the right words "I'm sorry, I can't tell when you want to so I just wait for you to tell me" I responded, lying through my teeth. Sure she was pretty and it felt good when we did, but I've never looked at her and thought anything like 'Man I want her so bad'.

She gave me an exasperated smile "Oh Cam you don't have to hold back for me"

"Ok I'm sorry" I kissed her forehead "Good night I love you"

"Love you too" She curled up so her face was buried into my chest and it wasn't long before she fell asleep.

* * *

Ash was tending his cows as I leaned against the edge of the barn watching Cheryl feed the chickens.

"Hey Cam, what's my flower today?" Cheryl happily ran up to me and I stooped down to hug her.

"I've got a daisy for you" I handed her the flower and tousled her hair a bit "Mind if I borrow your brother today?"

She playfully swatted my hand away and shook her head "Sure I was going to hang out with Ying and Rahi anyway."

Ash decided to join us in the doorway "It must be great to finally have friends your age, Lily's amazing! I can't believe I forgot how much I liked hanging out with everyone in Konoha."

"Yeah I can't even remember when we stopped talking to each other it's pretty sad" I shifted my weight as Cheryl left since she obviously couldn't relate to our conversation. "So what are we doing today?"

"Honestly I got nothing you wanna watch T.V. or something?" Ash put his thumb to his chin as he thought of something more interesting to do.

I let him think for a few moments before telling him that his first suggestion was fine. We sat on his bed eating chips and channel surfing before settling on some mecha anime. At some point in the show Ash turned to me to comment on it and I turned to give him my attention. I didn't realize how close we were because when we both turned our lips brushed. We immediately jumped back and spoke nothing of it, Ash commented on how cool it must be to be an anime character and continued watching the show. All I could focus on was how my heart had skipped a beat. Was it just that I was surprised or had the fairy tales been telling the truth.

After a few episodes I decided I should go home since it was getting late. Ash looked out the window and agreed. He walked me to the door and waved as I stepped out. Before my thoughts could catch up with my actions I stepped back in and kissed him.


	2. Ash's Guilt

Alright let's lay down some facts Cam is a guy, I'm a guy, Cam is married, Lily is a good friend of mine, Cam kissed me and I liked it. I think that about sums up the situation.

It was getting late and he needed to go home but as he was about to leave he turned around. I was about to ask him if he forgot something but before I could even utter the first syllable he kissed me. Honestly I always thought if someone were to kiss me without my permission I'd push them off but no, I just stood there and let it happen. Afterwards he mumbled an apology and quickly left. I watched him leave unable to compose a single coherent thought.

"What the heck are you doing? Close that door you're letting all the cold air in, It's not summer anymore." My mom shook her head the way she always does and mumbled about how she couldn't understand her kids sometimes. I closed the door, took two steps towards my room then turned around and ran out the door. I needed to know why It didn't make any sense. He was married, he loved Lily he told me that on several occasions. I quickly caught up with him and grabbed his arm. I knew he heard me coming because he sped up so I figured he'd ignore me if I just called out to him. He turned around wide eyed and blushing.

"Why'd you kiss me?" I held his arm so he wouldn't run I could tell he wanted to bolt as soon as the chance presented itself. He opened his mouth then closed it, let out a few um's then mumbled an apology.

"Cam sit down I don't want to hear 'I'm sorry' I want to know why you did it." I sat down pulling him down with me. He took a deep breath and let out a long winded sigh. I knew he'd given up on running so I let go of his arm. "Now tell me, you're married and in love so why did you kiss me?"

Cam looked down and fiddled with the blades of grass at his feet. "I love Lily, I really do, but recently I've been thinking that maybe loving someone and being in love are two different things. I just I don't know…." he trailed off still refusing to look at me.

"So you love Lily but you're not in love with her, but what does kissing me solve?"

Cam clenched his hands into fists "I doesn't, It makes everything even more complicated!"

I crawled so that I was directly in front of him. "Cam, why. Did. You. Kiss. Me."

"I, because I wanted to." he groaned and buried his face into his knees.

"Cam-"

"Don't!"

"Cam"

"Stop it." he lifted his head bearing a look of confusion and hurt "We can't, I can't-"

I never thought I was one to kiss someone without their permission but there I was, doing it. This time I could register the feeling and I quite liked it. It was completely different from the time me and Laney kissed when we were twelve just to see what it was like.

* * *

We secretly dated for a couple weeks and every time I ran into Lily my heart fell into my stomach and I couldn't help but be overly nice to her.

"Ash you know I'm married you were the best man." she'd joke and lightly punch my arm. I'd laugh half-heartedly and tell her I just like helping out.

"Well suit yourself, see ya!" and she'd skip off to her next chore in blissful ignorance. I couldn't bear it anymore every day it was like being stabbed in the heart, the guilt was eating me alive. That night when I met up with Cam I kept my distance we'd been avoiding the subject since day one, but I just couldn't handle the guilt anymore.

"We have to tell her." he turned to me slightly baffled at my bluntness.

"I can't do that It would kill her!"

"Look I know, but we can't keep this up forever."

"I know, I just don't want to hurt her she's my best friend and…."

"And what? If you don't tell her, and lets say through some miracle she never finds out, she'd live live her life in a false marriage never truly being loved. She'd be doing her best to make you happy when you're off with me! Now tell me can you really live with that?"

Cam looked down kicking a few pebbles on the road. He sighed then swallowed loudly "You're right."

* * *

That night the three of us sat at the round table in Lily's kitchen. Cam cleared his throat as Lily placed everyone's plate of food down. "Lily I, we have something to tell you…."


	3. Lillian's Loss

I knew Cam was the distant type and I accepted that. I simply brushed it off as normal that he wasn't very affectionate with me. Ash and Cam were best friends so of course they'd hang out a lot I never suspected a thing. So when Cam said he had something to tell me I was expecting something along the lines of 'I'm going into the city with Ash for a week' or 'Could you babysit Cheryl?" So when he said "I'm in love with Ash." I nearly dropped the pitcher of juice I was bringing to the table. I panicked slightly in my haste to to regain my grip on the handle and spilled some. Ash immediately got up and took the pitcher from me and Cam went to get the mop.

"You, I mean uh well….."

"Lily please sit down I'm sorry I know this is a lot to take in." Cam gently pushed me into the chair and looked from Cam to Ash several times. I had a thousand question when, why, how but only one had slipped out of my mouth.

"Then why did you marry me?" After placing the mop back in the closet he turned and smiled at me apologetically. They sat down and explained, explained how Cam loved me but didn't love me, how they dated for two weeks behind my back, how the took my feelings and sent them through a meat grinder. When they finished I just got up and left. They didn't say anything when I walked out, they knew me well enough to know I needed a walk after that kind of information was dumped on me. I was so angry, angry at Cam for not understanding his own feelings, but I knew I couldn't be angry with him. Nobody sits down and goes 'oh I want to be in love with that person now' it just happens. I was angry at Ash, how could he smile in my face while stealing my husband, but I knew he was probably the one who decided to tell me in the first place. I was mad at myself for being so angry none of this was anyone's fault. I hated the universe for not giving me a scapegoat, I needed someone to blame. I couldn't hate them, Ash and Cam were my best friends but there's no way I could handle watching Cam be with someone else.

* * *

I sat by the river and looked at my reflection, I was so lost in anger I didn't even realize I'd been crying. Cupping my hands I dipped them into river and splashed my face. When the water stopped rippling enough to see my reflection again I saw my brother's behind mine.

"Phillip! Hey what brings you to this side of the mountain?"

"I promised I'd bring Rutger a few things. You ok? You look like shit." Phillip sat beside me and began inspecting rocks for skipping.

"I, well Ash and Cam just came out of the closet" I laughed weakly as he dropped his rock mid throw.

"Whoa what? He marries you then tells you he's gay two months later, that's insane!" he gets up, brushing off his pants "So what are you gonna do?"

I sigh and splash my hand around in the water "We get a divorce and Cam lives happily ever after."

* * *

And that's exactly what we did. It took a long time before I could hang out with them without getting depressed and honestly the feeling never completely disappeared. I loved Cam and in a sense I still do. Years later I eventually married Mikhail and we're happy, we've got kids and a dog you know the white picket fence life. But somewhere in the deepest reaches of my heart Cam will always be the one who got away.


	4. Mikhail's Love

It was wrong of me to to fall in love with her tortured heart, to gain pleasure from her pain. It was so wrong but I loved it all the same. Her voice played a ghastly melody of eternal longing coupled with the optimistic hope of coping. I came to this town looking for new inspiration and I found Lillian. She was not the stoic beauty I'd always envisioned myself with, but a chatty adorable woman with a terrible pain. We met days before the music festival as I was leaving my room at the inn.

"Hey there you're a new face! My name's Lillian, but everyone calls me Lily. Pleased to meet you." she held out her hand to shake.

"My name is Mikhail, but why ever would you shorten such a beautiful name?" normally I'd have stated my name shook her hand then went on my way, but something about her voice told every fiber of my being to get to know her. The years I spent with her were pure bliss. It was my own personal symphony, I delightfully listened to the slow crescendo of her heart allowing her to love again. It took me over five years to convince her to marry me. Living with her was an endless concert for my ears alone. Every sigh and whisper, all the groans and grunts, mewls and moans all were perfectly placed notes on a scale only I could hear. I loved to watch her sleep, her sleeping face was the only time that cheerful mask she always dawned would crack. Every now and then she'd dream of Cam, mutter his name in a groggy sleepy haze. Her face would contort in a mix of angst and despair and I would relish in the thrills her haunting song sent through my spine. I know her troubled heart will always long for Cam, but her music belongs to me.

Eventually I couldn't bear to see her agonize in her sleep any longer and I'd place my hand on her cheek and trace circles with my thumb. I loved how this would dissipate the anguish and her mouth would curl slightly upwards. I laid next Lillian and kissed her forehead willing my mind into chaste thoughts.


End file.
